How much do we really know about life outside of our own experiences? Perhaps not very much considering we all frame our experiences differently depending on our place in the world;spiritually-emotionally-and physically. We are all conditioned to think a certain way and although it is possible to develop new ways of thinking, these new ways are largely based on our foundation.
The foundation is our upbringing-our parents/guardians-the way our families are structured. It is also important to consider that the people who have been given the task/privilege of nurturing us, once depended on someone to nurture them. So, what happens when their foundation is not ideal? It means that it is highly possible that they do not have the tools to give us what we need to go out into the world and find our place.
It’s very easy to hold grudges and criticize our parents for the ways we feel that they have fallen short, but a little compassion for the residue of their parents’ shortcomings could do wonders for your broken relationships. Most of us have been favored with the ability to reflect-to think about our lives in hindsight and there are almost always things we wish we would have done differently-that we would do differently if time allowed us to go in reverse. Oh, how wonderful the world would be if we had the power to right our wrongs before they affected others.
All parents were once children with no control over their lives-the things they were exposed to-things that were being imposed upon them. We all enter the world the same way-into different conditions, but totally dependent on someone to care for our every need. When those needs aren’t met emotionally and spiritually, the body becomes and adult while the spirit does not fully develop and one might find themselves with children who need something that they aren’t able to give. The funny thing is that-the person may not be able to recognize that they are underdeveloped. These things show up in our lives in different ways.
It’s not always denial-ignorance is largely to blame. If you are raised in a system that has a foundation that operates in a state of disfunction, then that is all you know. It is oftentimes not until you venture out into the world that you discover different ways of being that can drastically improve your journey. This can be scary for some people, especially parents, because we all hope that we’ve done everything right, which is impossible, but being enlightened is part of the beauty of life. With each generation, there is something to be learned-to be integrated into the family structure to improve the overall dynamic. But, sadly it serves as ammunition for blame and judgement-and then the walls get put up and beautiful bonds are broken sometimes forever.
Family is important, but as is true with any relationship, our interactions must be healthy. The only way to foster healthy relationships in any dynamic is through truth-and this truth develops from freedom-having the freedom to be who we are-in mind body and spirit without judgement. Sometimes we abuse the word family-we use it too loosely-only considering whether our bloodlines connect. But, it is much more than that. Family is love and acceptance-it is feeling safe. It’s interesting that a tree is used as analogy for family. Although we evolve from the same root, we grow in different directions,connect with others and plant seeds that lead to expansion-new branches. The one thing that is not considered is that although the leaves of a tree look very similar to one another, none are exactly alike-the differences ranging from slight to extreme, but the tree still stands.